i did not know
when that day came
that every day after
would be stained

that time
forever forward
would be torn by
this wound
that will never close

i revisit photos
to look into your eyes
to hear your voice
and to watch you

laugh
worry
tease
feel
play
learn
listen

and to watch you

grow

when
you embraced life
and gave what you had
to it

and i feel the warmth
that you were

the light

my boy

the light
that you were

alive
exuberant
strong
expectant
engaged

arriving

until it came

but then it came

that day

that ended
all the rest of yours
and that stole
you from me
for the rest
of mine

my son
my son

every morning
i look for you
and then

i remember to breathe

i did not know
when that day came
that every day after
would be stained

with this ache
that will not leave
and this hunger
to find you
to see you
to feel you
to save you

my beloved son
my heart left with you

my heart left with you
my beloved son

my beloved son

– for lr