“Welcome to NorthSouth Airlines. How can I help you?”

“Good morning. I would like to get a single round-trip ticket to Seattle.”

“Ahh, okay- for what dates?”

“Leaving here on January 14th, and returning on the 23rd.”

“This is for a minor? I see that you have a minor here with you.”

“No- this is for myself, a single adult. But that does bring me to a question- do you still allow the free portage of small animals if they can be stowed under the passenger seat?”

“Yes- we allow the transport of pets as long as they fit into a container this size.”

“Great. My child here self-identifies as chihuahua, a service animal chihuahua – don’t you, Roger-”

“Yip!”

“- so he will be riding in the carton in the space under my seat.”

“Uh, ma’am- he is a child- we cannot allow him to travel this way…”

“He is a chihuahua, and he is small enough to travel under my seat. What is the problem here with this? I didn’t make him think he was a chihuahua. He determined his identity all on his own. Who are we to question that? Do we really have a right to challenge what he fully believes is the truth here? Why do you want to take this away from him?”

“But, umm, he’s clearly a boy.”

“Do you have a manager here I can talk to? I am deeply offended by your inability to grasp realities here. This is an outrage. I am simply trying to go about my business, and you give me the third degree because you can’t see beyond appearances. You are trying to remove our freedoms and undermine our rights as people in this country. I just wanted to go to Seattle for some long needed recovery time with my dog here, and you make a mockery of my life and our world. Who are you to judge me? Who are you to try and fence ma and my life in? Clearly you do not love this country, trying to tear my liberties away from me. I would like to deal with your supervisor from here on out- someone rational and understanding the situation. Your service has been appalling. Please get me your supervisor.”

“My supervisor is on…”

“Get your supervisor please. I do not have time for this.”

But he’s…”

“Get him.”

***

“Good morning- what seems to be the issue here?”

“Good morning. I am trying to purchase a ticket for a round trip flight to Seattle.”

“We can take care of that for you, certainly.”

“Where I am having an issue here is that on that date, I intend to bring my service animal chihuahua, which is small enough to fit in this carton, with me on the flight.”

“If your dog fits into the carton that can go under your seat, we have no issues with that, ma’am.”

“Thank you- I am relieved-”

“But the ‘dog’ she is talking about here is that child, Gene! She is claiming the boy is-”

“I am not claiming this child is anything different than what he has decided about himself! He has been a chihuahua for seven months now, and he is old enough to know what he really is!”

“This child is your dog?”

“This child is not a child- he is a chihuahua!”

“It is your dog, and you say it is your service animal? I see.”

“Just one moment. I must make a phone call.”

“Animal Services?… Yes- this is Gene Barton at the Eastside Municipal Airport. I have a loose animal in the C concourse that has no registration tags or service animal identification.”

“It is a chihuahua that looks like a small 4 year old boy in a red shirt with blonde hair and square glasses… Yes, it is unrestrained and in violation of the city’s public spaces code… Okay. Thank you.”

“Someone will be with you and your pet in a moment, ma’am.”