When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
~ I Corinthians 13:11

It’s funny that this verse has been on my mind the last week or so. I am 49, running headlong toward 50, but the truth is, people mature at different ages, and while some may mature prematurely, some also may not mature at all.

After a long, long period of not attending church, I decided this week it was time to go back, if, for anything, to reconnect my life to the gospel I have cherished since I was a teen, and to also be involved serving others somewhere again.

I am going to be gentle with myself. I have some frustrations and some anger at negative aspects of church life I experienced at Sagebrush that I will let myself work through. I will allow myself to attend a church or churches with casual consistency, but recognizing that what I really need is to be hearing the gospel message where the Holy Spirit can work in my life. I won’t be concerned about having to serve in some high capacity. I will allow myself to not have to be or become super friendly with everyone I meet where I visit. I don’t have to be what others think I should be. But I should try to hear and become what He wants me to be.

And the Christian commission remains as necessary as always: you have to love. But by His help.

What I need to do is to find myself again in Him, and not worry about what people think of me any more. I have spent so much of my life trying to please others, and trying to be what I thought would make them like me. You can still serve others, and not have to please them.

What I need to do is to dedicate myself to loving others, but also being me.

So I visited New Covenant Church today, which is a stone’s throw from my home across Paseo del Norte.

I enjoyed the service. I felt I could be anonymous to an extent and just attend the service with my eyes and my ears and my heart. There are some familiar faces there. But I am not close to anyone there. The sermon was simple, but sufficient.

What I do know is that when I left the sanctuary after the service, I did feel like I missed Him.

Him.

He was at one time my center and my sincere rock, my guide and my ground when I was trying to find my way in life as a younger man. I found peace and purpose and compassion when I strove to live my life in and through Him.

I’ve been my old self, fearful and angry at a lot about life, for a while now. I was a stronger person back then.

Back when.