There have been times in my life that I have walked in great faith in God.

There have been times I have also wandered in great doubt about God.

Too often, I’ve tried to make human beings the litmus test for God’s goodness.

And as we know, human beings are human beings.

I’ve never doubted God, per se. But it’s the agnostic’s conundrum. How can I admit to a diety who is detached? The clock is wound, the arms swing in perpetuity, slowing a little each cycle. Friction binds, gravity drags, energy wanes. The Miracle Lottery has already been played this month.

It’s two sides of coin. One doubts, one see. Concern, or comfort. From which sun comes the love?

It’s such an odd place, being here, at this point in my life, little different than an 18 year-old. Few things tethering you down, the opportunities of life ahead.

That was the view back then- one which I tried to hang onto heavily throughout my twenties.

And then my thirties.

And then my forties.

It now has the feel of sitting on the bench, waiting for the last bus of the night, and suddenly realizing you missed it by an hour or so.

Faith is that thing you gotta grab onto when you forgot to do it right, I guess. When you made some decisions that landed you in a pit in the middle of the desert.

Or you don’t have it.

Grief comes for a long vacation. Sorrow moves in to your guest bedroom.

It’s not too late, they say. It’s not too late.

I guess not.

There is a wisdom learned in the desert, in the pit, too.

You learn how to wait. To be patient.

And if you are the kind that goes on, that hangs on and gets through, you find that out. You find that out.

Thanks for visiting. Thanks for enjoying a cup of lemonade and bowl of pasta. For enjoying the stories, for making it a fine departure from your life, an excellent escape. The bathroom here is still not clean, the roof still leaking, the floors littered with dirty laundry, and the call still in to 311 for some help.

You wade in vagaries to much, I am told.

That is as crisp as my life seems to get.

Here’s another cup of lemonade.