It’s a weird thing.

In a week I turn 49, and via social media, I find I am still looking for approval from people in my past.

From old high school classmates who don’t really know me, to a grand extent.

From old church acquaintances that I was around, but never very close to, a few years ago, and a few decades ago.

From local public figures who I want to like me, but who I know as text on a computer screen only.

From people who used to talk with my quite a bit online, but who at some point decided their thoughts were better served elsewhere.

From friends of people I want to like me.

From a long list of people I want to like me.

The bottom line is I spend too much worried about people liking me- which is nothing new.

I’ve done this all my life.

Never feeling quite “enough” around people, I’ve tried to be the smart guy. The fun guy. The understanding guy. The nice guy.

But the sad part in all of that effort lies in the fact that I was trying to be those things, with an eye toward specific results, instead of just being them, because I was being myself.

I am this close to just shutting off social media and permitting myself to quit trying. I think nobody wants the trying guy around anyways. People like who they like, and if you always have to try to win people over, you are probably not winning them over to too much.

I’d like to say these 750 “friends” I have on Facebook would miss me if I fell off from there, but the reality is I interact with maybe 15 of them on the site semi-regularly. And that includes family.

There are certainly newer, out-of-state acquaintance I would miss if I unplugged from social media. A few of them have grown into people I may talk to infrequently, but always enjoy conversing with whenever, and I’d be a little sad to lose touch with them. But there is the phone. And there is email.

I reckon 5 good, steady, present friends are worth quite a bit more than 1000 impersonal ones.

At least for the introverted pleaser guy who finds himself trying to connect with people online who don’t seemed too interested in that. I imagine there is something to the idea that those who spend all of their time trying to make others happy too often fail to make themselves happy.

I bet I’d be a lot more present, productive, and pleased in my local life if I disconnected as well.