Tonight was the second installment of the Writing Short Stories class with Robert Gish at the UNM CE campus on University. I wrote about Gish and week one here, and tonight continued to be more of the same, where “the same” is a whole stew of tips on writing and the sharing of definition lists and the sharing of personal anecdotes.

Tonight’s class was a little different, though, because this week we had had an assignment: read John Updike’s story “A & P”, and then write a summary or outline or treatment for a story of your own, to be shared in class.

As it went, last night I sat down to do my homework and write my summary, and then a sentence describing a short story went through my head, and I just decided to write the whole story. I had a story today, then, but I did not have my homework done, and I was a little hesitant to write a treatment for a story I had already written, so I had to come up with an outline for something else today, which ended up happening after I was off work and still in the office.

I went to class with my homework prepared, but during the segment of class when we went around the room and were asked to share our summary or outline and it was my turn, I declined. I didn’t like the story idea I had come up with enough to even share it with my classmates.

It’s been like this lately.

On one hand, it has been a wonderful exercise to be intentional every day, and to sit down and write up something to get on the blog each evening. I never told myself I’d do it every night- I could skip it if I wanted, but heeding the popular advice that 21 days of doing anything will establish a habit, I am doing well practicing writing, and have been consistent since the year began. For an undisciplined bloke like me, this has been a pretty good run.

On the other hand, though, I find at times that although I am writing, I struggle with what I actually produce. The words that leave my brain and end up on the computer screen seem inevitably to feel flat and fuzzy and dressed in mehs, and I wonder if practice equals improvement. Particularly in those instances where creative writing is concerned.

I like Gish’s classes a lot, but tonight I noticed a few things about me within it that made me pause.

I feel like I am a step behind his teachings quite a bit. I usually take decent notes in courses I am interested in, and I would think it would be no difference in this class. But it is. I find I am constantly not sure what he was just talking about, especially when he gives a definition to a technical term about writing, and I have a number of half completed thoughts in my notes.

I also just listen to the input of the other students in the class when he solicits answers to open-ended questions, and I find myself also slow following them. The class contains probably a dozen adult students of various backgrounds and interesting career choices, and at times when Mr. Gish asks me questions, I just feel I have little to nothing to add. It’s a weird thing to feel like I don’t know anything in a class. And Gish is a happy-hearted kid man- he asks questions of us out of sincere interest and as a teaching technique. And I find in this course, I have too few answers.

Which leads me to think I am just not functioning at 100% mentally. My writing feels flat, my thinking feels flat, my words feel flat.

It’s okay- the course is for personal development, and Gish demands little from the student who doesn’t want challenge.

I’ll get some rest and review my notes and get a jump on my assignment for next week- the completion of a story rough draft.

And I just need to be okay with what I am producing right now.

I desire to become a good writer. And I would love to figure out how to do the short story decent enough.

I’ll just stay at it.

And stay at it with Gish’s classes and assignments. He teaches a lot of good stuff in two hours.

And it’s clear he wants to help serious writing students become better writers.

And I’ll also work on eating better and getting a little more rest. Those might also have something to do with the “flat” thing.