I try to make sense of it, as the days come and go, why some things spin off like they do. There probably is no making sense of it really.

Why some people we want to love us want nothing to do with us.

Why some people we struggle to like want to be around us.

Why some who liked us end up forgetting us.

Why some we love never see or feel it.

And there are the ones we love so deeply that somehow end up hurting us the most.

Of course. That’s why love is the hardest emotion. What at once lifts us in time can, without warning, impale us. It’s the price we pay to be human.

And then there’s the case of two-way love that isn’t strong enough to hold up on it’s own.

—

For whatever reason tonight, I end it thinking about David.

The warrior. The great king of Israel. The lion-hearted. The shepherd boy.

How strong and bold he was. Courageous and controlled. Faithful, and fallen.

I see him as a boy climbing down into a shallow crack in the earth to find one of his lambs, a favorite, lifeless, limp and gone.

I see him as the servant of Saul, Israel’s king, periodically hiding in the courtyard, baffled at Saul’s maniacal tantrums and that sudden swoosh of the spear by his head, out of nowhere.

I see him stricken when Saul commands his son, Jonathan, David’s best buddy ever, to reject him.

I see him collapsed when that same best friend any friend could have is later killed on the battlefield.

I see him distraught when the newborn given him by Bathsheba, as Nathan had said would pass, quickly became ill and died.

I see him, older, unconsolable after learning that his son- that contemptuous traitor Absalom- his precious son was slaughtered like a beast dangling from a tree.

The Great One of Israel.

The singer of Psalms.

“But I trust in you, O Lord;
I say ‘You are my God.’
My times are in your hands.”
Psalm 31:14-15

“After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together–but David wept the most.”  – I Samuel 18:10

So often broken in tears.