I don’t play slots much, but as I thought today about gambling via these machines and taking chances in life, a few observations came to mind. Feel free to tack on a few of your own.

1. If you decide to play a slot machine that is clearly marked with an “Out of Order” sign, don’t get upset if you keep pumping coins into it and pulling the lever and you never win anything from it.

2. If you do decide to pump coins into an out-of-order slot machine, you can believe that the condition that made it malfunction and be taken out of service might make it better disposed to give you a great jackpot, but in reality, that will probably not happen.

2a. But, sometimes, playing an out-of-order slot machine can result in a miracle massive jackpot just because the machine is not working right and you were incredibly lucky enough to be the first one to find that out.

3. Most of the time, out-of-order slot machines are unable to pay out simply because they are, as a result of being out of order, empty.

4. If you don’t like your jackpots paid out in dimes, don’t play the dime machines. That’s just how things work.

5. If for some reason you regularly play nickel slots and a $10 machine appears in your area, you can’t expect to take its jackpot by throwing nickels into it. You can try and play the machine with nickels, but it will just eat your little coins and otherwise not respond to you. Eventually, its attendant will come over and ask you why you are messing around with the machine, and tell you to go away.

6. Some machines require that you have a club membership to win their expensive prizes. You have decide whether it is worth it to you to become a member of the club that they belong to to have a shot at winning their big prizes.

7. Membership machines are for membership players. If you don’t have a membership, there is no use in eyeing membership machines, thinking you’ll play them.

8. If you are a nickel guy and you like the prizes you see in a $10 machine, just remember that it will cost you 200 times more each play to try and win the more pricy and prestigious prizes.

9. It’s gonna cost you something to have a chance to win anything from any machine you might play. You have to put in something to get anything out of a slot machine.

10. Pulling the lever without inserting any coins- pretending to play the machine- is only fun for so long.

11. Do you really need to win that Winnebago? Do you even like camping?

12. There are other ways to win prizes and make money in life besides gambling.

13. Winning a lot of small jackpots can be worth a lot more (or cost less) than winning that one big jackpot you dream of taking.

14. If a machine does not have clearly marked what kind of coin it takes, always start using small ones if you play it. You are probably wiser to just not play it, though, and to move on to another machine that has its ante clearly displayed.

15. Remember that every gambling opportunity costs you to be a part of a game, and there are no promises that you will ever win anything.

16. Good gamblers know you will probably win something, and they try to learn how to beat the system.

17. It’s still worthwhile and fun to play a slot machine once in a while, if only for the potential payout, and to help you to be reminded of the rules of gambling.

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Photo source: Jeff Kubina, Flickr. Creative Commons license.