I think I like the evening post better than the morning post since I usually review my day to find things to talk about.  In the morning, just not a lot has happened yet, and I have already forgotten many of the highlights the previous day.  I don’t know.  This writing things is a crazy labor.

How My Boss’s Name Messed Up My Blog

One highlight of yesterday was discovering that, after installing the CleanPrint plugin on this WordPress blog and then posting an entry the following day, my boss’s name made the print plugin fail.  Yes- that’s right.  I included a link to Tim Price’s photoblog on a prior entry and tagged his name in the Tags area.  I then posted the entry, and went to see what the post would look like when prepped for printing using the CleanPrint plugin (a plugin which strips away menus, widgets, and other non-article content from a web page so that what prints is just the article and its photos).  And to my surprise, the plugin was grabbing everything on the webpage, and formatting it horribly.  I thought it might be because I included in the post a picture of a cat with a caption in it.  I emailed the developer and let him know of my problem.  He emailed back and said, “No, it’s not the caption, or a plugin conflict.  The tag “tag-tim-price” is causing our plugin to not work right.  That is how my boss’s name messed up my blog.

Books I Bought (But May Not Read)

One of my weaknesses is a compulsion to buy books on topics of particular interest to me.  Granted, I may not always buy a new version, but inevitably when I come across a title that relates to one of my topical tender spots, it ends up on my Amazon Wishlist, or I hop over to addall.com to look for a cheap version of it to buy.   I haven’t made the jump yet.  I still like holding a volume, turning pages, and underlining with a pencil or pen.  Books are like little friends to me, and when the ones I like are on a shelf, I know I can go visit them whenever I want.  (Yeah, you can visit digital books whenever you want, but it is not the same.)

That said, I have picked up two books in the last two weeks that I wanted for disparate reasons.

The first, “City on a Hill” by Philip Graham Ryken, is a pastor’s look at the philosophical and cultural challenges that face the church now, specifically as it grapples with the early post-modern 21-st century.  The book grabbed my attention because I was doing some research on New Age thought and its connection to narcissism (the malaise of modern man), and the author of this book identifies both as cultural confounds the church faces in bringing Christ’s gospel to modern man.  Since I have a remaining interest in shame and its presence, expression and dynamics within society, this book has some discussion on the topic I need to digest (Shame is the juicy insides of narcissism).

The second book was also found as a result of that web search, but this time, the impulse to buy this book lay both in its historical significance and its size when published.  For whatever reasons, many first edition hardbacks in the 50’s and 60’s were published  in a compact size, so that the binding of the book was only 6 to 8 inches tall.  I found a range of these compact hardbacks from this period  in library sales when I was in seminary, and I picked up a handful of them featuring authors and titles that I loved and that I would appreciate having on my shelf.  This purchase I made from a seller on eBay falls into that category.  The book is a first-edition slip-covered “The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm.  Of these old hardbound titles I have bought, almost all of them are volumes written by philosophers, psychologists, or theologians of the day: thinkers whose ideas I think are very relevant to present times.

Now I just need to read them.  Along with finishing “Paul: The Apostle of the Heart Set Free.”  And Dave Ramsey’s “Money Makeover” book.  And two or three others I have started and have not finished that I have forgotten about.

Some Frustration

Last night was another small group meeting, and though it should not matter, it was another night of minimal attendance.  As the group leader, when people quit showing up, I take it personal.  I am not teaching well enough.  I have done something to scare people off.  People are not benefitting from group time.  I think there is some truth to each of those suggestions for a fall-off.  What I do know is that I am a common factor and common presence in the group, and I am introverted and feel failure strongly, and so the kid in me wants to shut down, to pull back, to just say we’ve done our work here.   I don’t know.  Maybe we need to.

What I have to admit though, is the duplicity and lack of focus in my own life that has made my preparation for small group time not as good as it could be.  The introvert in me who hates leading and organizing people feels the withdrawal of others in the group as a personal failure.  I’ve been pretty heartily involved at Sagebrush Highland since it opened a year and some ago, and I think I just feel tired, desiring of a change.  Or of a victory.  Of some evidence that what I am doing while spending time at church is worthwhile.  I am kind of at a point where, out of energy and creativity, and not being filled by successes or spiritual highs, I wouldn’t mind heading to the hills and hiding away in a monastery for a few months.

The truth is, God will continue His work at Sagebrush Highland and wherever He wants whether we are there being superstars serving or not.  What is important is the state of my heart in where I am at and what I am doing.  Sometimes you need to just put down what you’re doing to get yourself to where you need to be, with God and in life.

I just recognize I am at a place of emptiness and social frustration with a need for some refilling.