I had lunch with my good friend Jenise today, and we took some time to visit about what has been going on in our lives the last week or so. At one point, she asked me about how things were going in our church small group. “Things in our small group have been pretty good” I shared, but then I paused and I said, “You know, at times I am not sure where everybody is within it though.”

Our participants have been pretty consistent to attend over the last nine months (which is when the group started), and we have had some great Bible study discussions during this period, but at times I’ve also felt a little unsure of where the group was going, or where we were supposed to be going. Even though I attended a small group leadership training meeting about a year ago at the church’s main campus, I have to say I pause and sometimes wonder what small group leadership is supposed to look like and do. Even though I helped to create this small group trying to shape it into the prescribed Sagebrush model, our little circle has felt somewhat like a satellite, related to but flying around the core campus activities in a detached sort of way. Since our church is essentially a startup and our single pastor is buried in both administrative and pastoral duties, there has been little vision shared about it’s collective small group life, and little imperative that our “satellite” and the other four or five that are also circling around the church should be coordinated and communicating with one another.

Broadly speaking, a life group- as considered by our church leadership- is a small group where 10-12 or so people come and meet together regularly “to do life”. Our group formed easily as one of the pilot groups in the church three-quarters of a year ago, and we had a core of group members early on that has largely remained the same. For a while we fidgeted around without strong leadership deciding what we should do in our together times. Eventually, I pushed that we spend time studying something in the Bible, since “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” At least we have gotten this part right.

In the beginning, another fellow led the group formally, but changes in the church led to a decision by and he and his wife that they needed to move on. And then, for some reason, a lot of the leadership within the group fell to me.

And I am a reticent leader.

My friend Jenise made a couple of key observations about small group life and small group leadership, thinking about what I shared with her.

Jenise reminded me that a small group is a key place in the church where love is emphatically practiced, since it is within the small group that people walking down the same path of faith have a chance to get very close. Jenise reminded me that the efficacy of the gospel often lies not solely in the words spoken about Jesus that others hear, but rather in the love and support shared by the believer that makes considering the words spoken about Jesus possible.

And because this is the case, the small group leader is as much a shepherd as anything, and a shepherd cares about his sheep, so he knows them.

Jenise reminded me that as important as Bible study is in the small group community, the simple sharing of one’s life and one’s faith through caring exchanges, supportive notes, an available ear and a helping hand are as much a part of facilitating spiritual growth in another as religious rite can be. A key reason a small group exists is to cultivate relationships.

It’s through relationships that most people really are challenged and grow and change.

After lunch, I left Jenise and walked back across downtown to my office, and as I walked I thought about the challenges of leadership. In this case, to lead, you have to get closer to people. You have to get in their lives and laugh with them and cry with them, and help them out. And if by some chance you get to talk about the Bible with them and they know you for who you are, as an authentic person, what you talk about will probably gain some added interest from them, because they know you care about them.

I so often find I want to hide behind the persona of the set-up guy, or even the teacher, because its easy to just do what you are expected to do- what you are taught to do. But to lead requires additionally that you take off your teacher or your set-up crew persona and put yourself into the connections and the conversations. You intentionally cultivate relationships.

Also, I was reminded today that leadership is challenging because a leader must have a vision for where he and his posse are going, as well as a voice to make that vision clear to his people.

I am thinking, in terms of my small group, I need to take a little more time thinking about the overall goals and purpose of our group for its members, and I need to work a little more on deepening my relationships with each participant.

A pretty good couple of lessons for today.