My brother and his family have been packing up all this week for a moment that occurs early tomorrow morning- when they will collectively pile into two vehicles, and start a long drive that will take them out of New Mexico. Moving away. Possibly for good.

I shouldn’t look at this transition in our lives as a dark finality, but in some ways I could find it easy to. I have a knack for that. But also, this move is kind of significant.

Scott and his wife have left New Mexico before- several times, actually- for long-term residencies outside of the state, but they were always connected to something here that suggested they would be “coming home” after a tour ended. This anchor was chiefly a job, a position in a company here in Albuquerque that always meant he would return to Albuquerque for work. They have left the state for extended periods to attend graduate school, to complete company internships, and to receive extended training at the corporate offices of one of his employers. But the job for them has always been back here in Albuquerque.

It’s been a gift for us Welton’s then, as a family, that this has been the case. My sister and her husband have had stable employ in a good corporation which has been a key employer in our city, so they have been here in Albuquerque for the long haul. With my brother and his wife coming and going to and from Albuquerque, and less so as they had children, we have been able to still be a strong extended family. Our parents have remained in Albuquerque since my dad took a job here in 1959. Now retired and still pretty active, our folks have participated in our lives consistently as we’ve grown out of our young adult years and into our middle ages. We’ve been blessed with having a pretty close, pretty cohesive, pretty involved family for a long time now. For me, this has meant being able to see an important part of my life develop before me: the growth and development of each of my nieces and nephews over their childhood years. It has been a treat spending time with them as I have, getting a glimpse into the personalities and the potentials of what they will become in coming years. We’ve been together as a family for a run of memorable birthday parties and band concerts, Christmas gatherings and Easter dinners, soccer games and game nights, camp outs and cookouts.

This time, though- this departure by my brother and his family- is a little different. The reason they leave now is for a job that is at a company in another state.

Mentally, I understand it is totally ideal and suitable for he and his family to leave. My brother is following the arc of the course of life he has chosen, which he began down some time ago. His education and his experience and his life goals all point at this move as an ideal and logical next step in his life. He is a great problem solver, an encouraging manager, a life-long learner, and a goal-chaser. He is going to a company that will benefit from his operations management skill-set immensely. My brother also likes to get out and go. He individuated long ago and has always walked confidently down his own chosen path. He “left home” long ago. This move is not a erratic or irrational move for his family or his career at all. It’s one that fits the course of his life.

Mentally, I see all of this, and I acknowledge it, but emotionally, it is hard to palate at the moment. As one who does not easily pilot my life out and away towards challenges and changes, as one who clings to relationships over rewards and risks (often to my own detriment)- as one who has always struggled with “leaving home”, it’s hard to not consider this move as a life-changer and a relationship-shifter. I will see his children less. I will spend less time around their family. I will not talk to them as much, or be familiar with where they all go to eat or church or play or shop or vacation or heal. They will be in Wisconsin- and I will be here, “left behind.”

Leaving home. Left behind.

I guess these are two ways to look at life and changes. We all are going to go through changes. Loved ones leave, and loved ones are left behind. We are either acting in our lives, or we are (sadly and often) simply reacting to our lives.

I’m not gonna get morose. I’m not gonna get sentimental and melancholy. I’m not gonna see this change as my loss (as I often like to, ’cause I am wired that way). Rather, this change is a reminder to me that we all need to make some concessions in our lives to actually identify and pursue the lives we want to live.

With this change, I need to celebrate my brother and his family’s move forward. They are acting in their lives. They are leaving home, which is healthy. They are not content to just sit and spin where they might say life has put them. My brother has always been great at going out and grabbing life. He understands it is short and can change on a dime, and he loves living. To his credit, this keeps him primed to chase it, and not to settle for just waiting on it to happen for him.

For me, this change in their lives is a good reminder that I too need to think about “leaving home” again. I don’t necessarily need to leave Albuquerque to do this. It just means accepting that life changes, overcomers roll with the changes, and I have as much control over my future as the next person does. I, too, can plan towards a future I want. My challenge is to not think of myself as “left behind”. I, too, have a life I am to live, and I too need to be thinking in terms of “leaving home.”

And maybe the reality is that I will actually talk to my brother and his family more in the coming months than I did in the past. With modern technology, 1200 miles is nothing with the free access emailing, text-messaging and social media give. Skype means we can talk and see each other as we communicate real time. That’s pretty much Star Trek reality right there. And family is family. If you have a pretty strong one, chances are a move and a separation of miles shouldn’t change that too much.

So here’s to new beginnings, brother- to yours in Wisconsin. Way to leave home. Way to follow your hopes and your skills and your heart and your priorities. Drive safe. Bundle up heavily. Remember to use your 70 SPF sun screen, even though it is freezing out. Kiss the kids for me. We’ll miss you all here. But most of all, have a great trip into this wonderful new chapter in your lives.

I hope to follow a similar path here, heading into a new chapter of my own, right here in town.

Still, though, right behind you, somewhere along the way.

And we’ll see ya for fishing in June or so.