I’ve continued my slow trek through the Old Testament by striding through II Samuel over the last few weeks, and have been grateful to take a closer look at the life of David. There are moments when reading passages about him that I have breathed a sigh of relief and thought “If this guy is the man after God’s own heart, then I can take courage that God loves me after some of the things I’ve done during my life.” David was at times savage, vengeful and bloodthirsty. Before his whole Bathsheba affair, David simply took Saul’s daughter Michal from her husband to make her his wife, tearing that guy up. David killed, David robbed, David bedded women married to other men, David lied.

And yet, God loved him for his heart, his trust, his devotion, and his regular repentance and return to his Lord. God knew David, deep down, wanted to glorify his Lord.

There is more to our hearts than our mistakes. There is more to our hearts than our stubborn stumbles into sin. Beneath our desires and our decisions is the simple disposition of our soul, which either finds its life in the empty pursuits of the starving self, or in the restoring river of a relationship with God. David faltered and failed, but in the end he always returned and resumed his relationship with God.

I’ve been going through a strange season in my soul. I have greatly celebrated participating in life at Sagebrush Highland, and through time at church have developed some deep and cherished friendships- and every week, I seem to find new depth with someone, and a new connection with someone else. My time at church, with all of its highs and the felt and seen activity of God within the congregation and community, has also worked to untie and expose some areas of my heart that I usually try to keep hidden away because they are sordid, “inappropriate”, and festering with shame. I realize as I spend time trying to be around God, He will equally show me where I am keeping parts of myself from Him, and as a result, am avoiding His grace and healing in them. And yet, I find myself less ashamed to admit to the condition of squalor that fills some rooms in my heart. As we walk deeper into God’s grace, we become less aware of our individual sins, but more attuned to the reality of the sea of sinfulness that is awash within us.

What David’s story has reminded me of, though, is the more important fact that God loves jacked up people. God loves us with our secret sins, our tender wounded hearts, our insolent independence, our feeble faithfulness. We sin, but recognizing our failings and returning to He who heals the humble-hearted, we are showered with His love. And I am reminded- the point in it all is that we become lovers like He is, as He leads, and not simply be spiritual mendicants, begging Him all the time for mercy and forgiveness. The mercy and forgiveness were given to us on one day two millenia ago through the man on a wooden cross, who said “I give you my life for all of your sins.”

All we are left with is to live in love, if we have taken that deal. We acknowledge we threw away the map and that we need a hand getting back on the narrow road so we can follow the lead of His Spirit, the lead of love. And let Him show Himself and His Glory through our lives.

David loved praising God. David loved God come treason or triumph. David loved being who he was because he knew the God who loved him lived through him. David just revered and reflected God.

We were made to be reflectors, not collectors.