A few summers ago when I was grieving a gal and bellyaching to my wise friend Phil about it one night, he asked me about other areas of my life, and specifically about how my work and hobbies were going. At the time, he was trying to help me turn my mind to other topics and to help me move forward and not focus on her. When I mentioned my lifelong struggle with career and avocational interests, he gave me a powerful suggestion, which has accrued a lot of meaning since.

“Bruce, figure out your mission.”

At the time, I just wanted the girl.

In time, I have come to realize how important it is for a man to find and to have a mission- not only for getting (and keeping) the girl, but for living a good life.

So let me just suggest this here: it’s important for a man to have a mission.

“What is this mission thing you are talking about,” you ask, “and why does it matter?”

In long form, to me, a mission is a commitment that you make to use your talents or abilities to joyfully make or do something throughout your life that contributes to the betterment of others. Yeah, that’s a lot of words there, so let me try again. In short, a mission has a few features.

A mission is a) something you do b) over a long period of time c) for the benefit of others d) that makes your heart happy. That’s pretty much it.

So, what’s the big deal with a mission?

I think many men live without a life mission, and an awareness that living with a mission would give their existence a greater sense of meaning, purpose and joy.

In part, this lack of mission living exists because we live in an age of instant gratification. We want to feel happy and pleasure now. We’ve lost our patience to pursue challenges or greater goals that demand our time or that test our knowledge or abilities.

I think men have also largely lost a sense of the value of chasing or attempting greater things in life. We tend to aspire to the heights of those around us, and in general, men have lost their sense of adventure for following their hearts and doing the good that they are compelled to do. We remain pommeled by pleasure seeking, and complacent and accustomed to comfort and consumption, and as a result we have lost the courage required to try greater and grittier personal pursuits.

Finding and following one’s calling requires a lot of work, as well. Usually, to identify and to understand your mission as man means unplugging for a while from all the usual noise- putting aside your passivity- and getting to the heart of the matter: what do you really want in life? You have to put aside the sports, the sitcoms, the evening news, the XBoxing Netflixing and Call of Duty battlefield ballyhooing to realize your life was made for you to do something good, and it’s pretty important for you to figure out what you were meant to do that makes you full and fulfilled. Watching fifteen straight Super Bowls or dominating in World at War probably won’t light you up with satisfaction when you look back on your life. Finding and chasing your mission takes work.

Well, let me encourage you. Let me give you a few reasons why you and every man should find his mission.

1. A mission helps to teach a man how to live for something more than himself.
To find your mission means that you take the initiative to invest yourself into something that enriches others. And to chase your mission means that you have to manage your resources toward that end. Applying yourself to serve others teaches you how to be a steward. And as you think about the needs and interests of those you want to impact, and then work to serve them, you strengthen your love muscles. Your capacity to love grows. And strangely enough, you realize that in serving greater life goals, you discover the joy that is given to the serving steward. You realize that you, through your mission, are making a difference in others’ lives.

2. A mission helps a man to concentrate on creating something that benefits others.
But aside from lifting your heart through service, chasing your mission inevitably is going to help you to grow as a creative and productive person. Consider it. Let’s say that today you choose a cause that you want to put some of your time and energy into. Inevitably, whatever cause you choose to invest in, you will probably have to contact others to get involved with it. And once you contact those people, you will then be invited to do things for it that you probably do not know how to do. Finding your mission encourages personal initiative, and spurs on learning and personal development, not to mention, expansion in a social dimension. A great byproduct of being around producers and provider is a growing awareness that you are becoming more of a contributor, and less of a consumer. And Biblically speaking, finding and following your calling means that you are participating in the Creativity Mandate given in Genesis, where God says “Be fruitful and multiply, and be a wise steward of the earth.”

3. A mission helps a man to realize confidence in his capabilities.
As you pursue your mission, you will find that you grow in both community and competence as you serve. Competence begets confidence, and confidence and competence beget responsibility and maturity. Maning your mission can only help you to grow stronger as a leader, a manager, a provider, and as a servant.

4. A mission motivates a man to improve himself.
The natural byproduct of accomplishment and competence in one area of one’s life has a tendency to spill over into other areas of that life. As your mission flows out of the interests and desires of the heart, you will experience fulfillment as what you were created to do is being done. As your mission seeks to encourage or uplift others, you will experience satisfaction as you see how your life is strengthening those of others. And along the way, working on your mission stokes and strengthens your passions, and helps to create broader and deeper community in your life.

And in relation to your love life, let me share this bonus…

5. Women love a man with a mission.
I agree very much with the John and Staci Eldredge’s model about men and women and how they relate to one another. One of their key thoughts is that a woman wants to be connected to a man who is living driven in his adventure. A woman wants to join her man in his adventure, not simply be the focus or end of one. Women delight being connected with a passionate contributor, not a worrisome worshiper. When a woman sees that a man is not just living for himself and his pleasure, they gain confidence that he really will be there for her and their family’s best interests. A woman intrinsically desires to be sheltered in the strength of her lover, and when she sees he is pursuing his passions and not faltering in fear, she feels confidence and safety in him. And when a man lives for a mission in his life, it adds dimension and balance within the committed relationship, and takes a lot of focus simply off of relationship stuff and the micromanaging that happens when two people cling to closely to one another. Missions shared and supported between spouses provide amazing anchors for strong marriages.

Want to find a quality mate? Don’t focus on finding “the one”. Focus on identifying your life calling, and pursuing that passion. Want to invigorate your marriage? Remember and resume chasing your calling.

Minding your mission is rewarding because it is driven by a desire in your soul that is not simply all about you and your pleasure or power or prominence. A mission drives you to get out of yourself so that, as you work with others and take risks to chase your vision, you grow in love, in capability, and in courage.

In this age of extended adolescence and entertainment addiction, the man who seeks and serves his mission generally finds his maturity and his heart. And in the process, he finds himself, and a life rich in meaning and love.

Man, mind your mission.