It’s been a good day, long but decent.

I think all I have tonight is that I am reminded once again that I am not good with intimate relationships, and that I am confused by them and how people wander into them, and I am not sure I know what one even looks like.

At times I feel like all you can do is just love people the best you can and still don’t expect anything from them because they probably won’t be there for you anyways, and why should they be, since you don’t know how to tell them you need them. You have to be vulnerable to do that.

There is a duplicity that comes with being vulnerable. On one hand, to some, by being vulnerable, you create a bridge they can cross to find rest and harbor with you, and you find community with them. On the other hand, to others, displaying vulnerability is threatening and triggers discomfort and is reason for dashing toward the nearest relational exit.

I don’t know. I just don’t know what closeness is supposed to be like. I’m never quite sure who I really am to most other people. That gauge on my dashboard is busted.

Oh well. Night, Moon.