I had a pretty special weekend this weekend, which started on Thursday afternoon.

My closest friend of some 25 or so years, Chris, took me to lunch at Chipotle as a special treat- to celebrate my birthday.  Both he and I had not eaten yet at the Albuquerque location since it opened last year because it has always had long lines in and coming out of the store.  Crazy long lines.  Well, on Thursday we threw caution aside and went to Chipotle for the famed burrito- and it was good.  I hadn’t seen Chris for a few weeks, so it was also a time for us to catch up a little.

Finally. A Chipotle Burrito.

Well, the day got better when I was able to go to The Fray/Kelly Clarkson concert that evening as a gift of my ever kind sister.  I went with my friend Christy, who is crazy and who loves zany stuff and who shares the special brand of humor my family has given to me.  The evening was overcast and cool, and it rained a few times during the concert, but the rain just made the evening more pleasant.  The Fray played a number of songs from their most recent album, music which had a pretty mellow R.E.M. feel, and their two major radio hits. After a brief intermission, Kelly came out and just wowed us with great show.  Her voice is as crisp and as ebullient live as it is in recordings, and everything she did was pretty phenomenal.  I’ve always liked Kelly- usually because I’ll hear a song on the radio, and not knowing who was singing it, would inevitably look it up to realize it was her.  I think I recognize her voice now, but her ability to handle a range of styles and tempos and moods in her music is a tribute to her versatility.  She has a truly beautiful voice.

Christy Eats The Birthday Cupcake She Brought For Me. (She Didn’t Really.)

Great Seats. Thanks, Sis.

Kelly Clarkson In Albuquerque

Kelly Belting It Out

The rest of the weekend began on Friday after noon and ran through Sunday evening, and it was a weekend complimented heavily by my brother Scott.  We had planned to meet a few people from our Puerto Rico missions team to camp on the property of a gal who went with us.  We left Albuquerque around 2 with his two daughters as well, and made our way up to (to my pleasure) South Park, Colorado.  A few miles west of South Park, Heidi and her husband John have a sizable plot of land that sits high on a hill, and that has a clear view to the east and the south.

“Sons of the Dirt” Cover: Flying the Coop

Well, we 4 travelers toodled our way up to our destination in about 6 hours, and there met Heidi and John and a few other people, including our Colorado brother Jim Weaver.  Along the way we stopped to let the girls relieve themselves off a desert road while Scott and I played catch with a baseball over the state road.  Later we stopped at a remote gas station that had several large bird figurines out front- and we snapped a few photos, including another album cover for the release of the next album by our band, “The Sons of the Dirt.”  We were lucky to finish our photo shoot when we did because the station attendant came out and said “Please don’t climb on the chickens.”  That’s something you don’t hear very often.

Saturday, August 4th, was my 44th birthday.  Not a huge birthday guy, it was a pretty special day.  My brother gave me a fishing rod, and with everyone at the camp, we went down to a nearby reservoir and staged to do some fishing.  Most of that session really entailed untangling lines and trying to fix spindles on the kid’s poles with Jim.  I didn’t even break out my rod in the morning.

We ate lunch at the reservoir though, and after a short four-wheeler ride up a rocky incline to an old mine entrance (which Heidi laughed at, since she and everyone saw me almost jettison over a large bush), Scott, Jim and myself were able to break away from the group to try some focused fishing time.

We drove about 30 miles away to Hartzell, Colorado and took an ambling dirt road through an array of small homes until the road dumped us onto a straightaway that stretched out into a long plain.  A gal in a fishing shop we had visited in the morning had suggested this place as an option to come fish.  “I almost drowned there”, she mused with a giggle after she gave us directions to it.  Well, it was a classic “A River Runs Through It” location- a winding, switchbacked snake of a river sitting in a marsh in an open plain bound loosely by rising mountains to the east and the west.  Quiet.  Remote. Ours.

We spent probably three hours walking a small section of this river, fiddling with lures and lines and sinkers.  For me, it was just practice in how to use my pole, and how to even cast.  Each one of us three spread out and just followed our own impulses as we tried to help our lines and hooks find fish.  In time, about halfway into our session, my brother caught a sizable trout.  In another half an hour or so, he would land a second.  Not bad for a guy new to fishing.  Jim and I, well, we showed up.  But it was Scott’s day to reel two in, both of which went back in the water.

Colorado Is Looking Good

With the sun starting to descend, we made our way out from the river, back across the marsh and up an incline to our vehicle.  As we loaded up the gear, about 20 head of cattle moved efficiently towards where we were from the south.  They thought someone had something good for them to eat or read, I guess.

We came back to camp to find a few others from our missions team had made a special trip to come see us. Susan and her husband Kevin had come up, and Jim and Kayla Westfall as well- a husband and wife I got to know well on the trip and have a special fondness for.  I was very touched they came up to be with us that night.  We ate dinner, we talked by the fire for a while- SURPRISE, Heidi and Kayla brought out a birthday cake and a card for me that featured Justin Beiber (as suggested by Scott’s wife, Ronda, as suitable for my age and maturity and interest in music [ Thanks, Ronda.]), and then one of Scott’s daughters and another girl her age had us come to their “show” where under LED-lit balloons in a makeshift stick-and-tree surrounded stage, they sang me a birthday song they wrote.  It was very creative and touching.  And then we went to bed.

“Sons of the Dirt”: Live From South Park

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On the inside, the day for me was funny and odd.

Around midday I felt sad and despondent about my life and about how fruitless it feels sometimes, and I slipped into a period of self-pity in the ride home from the afternoon fishing.  Sadness about being alone in daily life; about feeling unable to have a say in much of my past and current and future prospects, especially in love and career; sadness about how at times I’ve felt that I escape the view of God and wonder if He even sees me. And then that evening, I am showered with kindness and attention and well wishes, and, of course, I am not sure how to handle that- though I try to be as gracious as I can.  I so often wonder what value my life has in this world, and I struggle with a sense that somehow I have to trick people into loving me.  I don’t try to do that- trick people for that- but sometimes I feel like I have to do that to somehow be loveable.  I know I certainly feel that particularly when it comes to thinking about romance.  It’s a struggle to think that someone would actually just love me for who I am.  And then, of course, God comes into my life like a storm and says “Let that go.  You just chase me.  Let me take care of that part for you.  Just love people around you like I have commanded you to do. And just trust and follow me.”  Okay, Lord.  I keep trying, trusting, and waiting.

Such strange thoughts I have sometimes.

—

Well, we went to bed fairly early on Saturday night, and then got up around 7 this morning.  After breakfast, Jim, I, Scott, and Jim and Kayla Westfall went for a walk this morning and talked.  Jim and I stayed back a little at one point and checked in on life and a few things we had discussed in Puerto Rico.  We found a washed out beaver dam by the stream we followed.  And then we went back to camp.  Jim and Kayla left to head back home.  Collectively, we who were left tore down tents and packed vehicles and then cleaned and picked up the ground for a bit.  The camp was formally broken, but Heidi and John joined Jim and we four Welton’s for another fishing session at a nearby stream.  Today, the sun was up high when we started, and we evidently didn’t have anything that the fish we were seeing in the pond we surrounded were wanting to eat.  After two-plus hours and two failed rods, it was time to go.  No fish caught, but new lessons learned.

We said goodbye to Heidi and John, and brother Jim Weaver, and it was time to go home.  We headed out beyond South Park towards Alamosa, and then Espanola, and then Santa Fe, and then back into Albuquerque.  Six-hours and a bunch of country songs and junk food later, we were home.  I thanked my brother for a great weekend, and hugged the girls goodbye, and then met my parents for dinner at 9 PM.

I was able to read about 10 chapters in Numbers on the way home.  So much in that book that I’ve never seen before.  I’ll try to recount some of those gems later.  Still, God is holy and specific and holds us responsible for either living for Him or living against Him.  He loves Moses. He got angry with Moses and the rest of Israel. But He really loved Moses’ humility and faithfulness.

Love is a gift you just have to say “Yes” to.  Don’t look for reasons as to why others love you.  When they do, just say “Thank you”, and realize there is an imprint of God’s grace and dignity in you as His creation. And because of that, people can and will love you.

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Bonus Song 1: “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson.  My favorite Kelly song, because I understand it.  Sometimes life can be such a mess. Sometimes we don’t have the tools to make sense of our pasts.  Sometimes, we just need the help of others.

Bonus Song 2: “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson.  Some good advice for dealing with Bonus Song 1.