I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a man over the last year. Sadly, I realize I really hadn’t given this much thought throughout the earlier years of my adult life, and suddenly, now that I am smack in mid-life, I’ve started to ask the question.

You know, you get a lot of forces in life that say what qualities are ideal in a man.  Some of these forces push the macho- encouraging a guy to be tough, be commanding, be authoritarian.  Some push the metrosexual- be sensitive, be fashionable, be softer. Some say be more athletic, while others say simply that you should try and be a success in whatever you do, or that you should be MacGyver, quick with solutions on a moment’s notice using whatever’s at hand.  If I watch and listen to women in the world, it seems some say the ideal guy is muscular.  Others seem to think he should have money.  So many influences suggest what a guy should look like who’s a solid dude. What’s a guy to do?  Where should a guy focus to become mature as a man?

As a Christian, I know you don’t just simply buy the Hollywood stuff.  Yeah, that’s cool if you look buff and polished and dreamy all the time, but that stuff doesn’t make a guy a mature man.  Work out 6 hours a day at the gym, and you can still totally miss the point.  And I know it’s not all about being a media mogul or owning half of Montana, or being able to add a wing on your house over the weekend (although if you can do that, you are way cool).  Just because you do that stuff, that doesn’t necessarily mean, on a human level, you are a mature man.

While asking this question to try and inform my own life, I’ve been digging into a handful of books that investigate what the maturing man should be focusing on daily to become a little solider- as a guy, and as a person.

The key source for my reflections is the Bible, naturally, because I believe God gave it to humanity, and I believe God gave it people to not only help them to know Him, but also to serve them as a handbook for life.  If each of us bears a divine imprint that says “Made by God”, then the Bible is going to have some astute things to say about what life is about, and what a guy should be.  In general, the Bible suggests that deep in the heart of anyone is an overwhelming desire to be loved and to be loved.   Let’s use that as the real thing men and women ultimately want.  While that may be the ultimate need and goal of every human aspirations, I think there are a couple of key qualities that grown up guys cultivate that are unique and significant in their pursuit of manliness, and these qualities grown up women appreciate.

Reflecting on some of the books I’ve read, here is my short list of the core qualities found in maturing men.

1. Courage
2. Assertiveness
3. Initiative
4. Responsiveness
5. Discipline
6. Commitment
7. Good Stewardship

All of these qualities are components of the hallmark of a man, as suggested by John Eldredge: his strength.  I subscribe to the “tender but tough” model, that forwards that a man should become firm enough to provide leadership in his family,  and provide a first line of defense for protecting their home life, while also providing support and sanctuary for his spouse and encouragement for his kids. In Christian thought, the mature man is a shepherd and a steward, caring for God’s creation and his wife and his family as Jesus establishes and cares for the church.

These qualities can and ought to be developed as independent attributes, or character traits that remain consistently present despite conditions.

In the halls of humanness, it is not financial success that matters.  Being a mature guy is more about being relatable, reliable, and responsible.  However, it’s a corollary that the more mature men often succeed in efforts in their lives because they have developed some disciplines that facilitate success.

I think there is a lot of credence to Dr. Eggerichs’ proposition in his book, “Love and Respect”, that “love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man.”

As men and women are made to love and be loved, the maturing man learns that he is called out into life and that he was made to invest himself in all that he pursues.  These pursuits require him to take risks and to accept responsibilities which are required for him to be stretched, so he can grow into the person he is supposed to be, and develop the heart he is supposed to have: one capable of deep, enduring, sacrificial love.

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What do you think?  Would you add anything to this list?  As always, your thoughts are always welcome and appreciated.  Especially by me, on this topic.