I heard some tough news this week.

I learned earlier this week about a long-time acquaintance and highly-regarded man in the local church community who had left his wife of thirty years to run off with another woman.  This man ran two prominent and successful Christian bookstores here in town over the years and, with his wife, counseled a friend to stay on a godly path and offered support while she was going through a divorce within the last several years.  I have been stunned and bothered by this rattling news for a few days now.  I hurt for this man’s wife, who has to feel discarded at this development in her life.  I feel sad for his family, who is witnessing him make a choice which is contrary to everything he is supposed to be about in life.

I am perplexed at how a man, purportedly anchored in his beliefs, throws everything away- his family, his faith, his marriage, and his integrity- to seek happiness in the attention and arms of someone else, of a new lover.  And I have felt pissed off at him for playing the part of the fool that we read about in the papers off and on, about the guy who dumps everything he was about in life to chase some woman- and in the process he destroys his integrity and credibility.

I can understand the temptation, especially if you are someone who has been “playing a part” for years, acting spiritually solid.  We all struggle with relationship issues, hard times, and having to make hard choices.  I cannot fault him for wanting to deal with discontent or pain in his life by making changes in how he lives.  What I can’t understand is how you can live a life proclaiming a love for God and His Word, and then just turn Him and His will off to chase forbidden fruits when you know the choice will torpedo your entire life- and soil your professed faith in, trust of, and love for God in the process.

And look- I am far from perfect.  I have made some questionable choices in my life.  It’s just that I wonder how we men come to make such blatantly bad choices.

There are some decisions in life that we make that, though God forgives us if they are morally wrong and we ask Him for that, will still stain and scar us for the rest of our years.  Our choices have consequences, and our bad choices can break our families, our wallets, and our dreams.  Ultimately, however, our morally bad choices kill our character, and when we lose our character, we lose ourselves.

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I continue to love Friday Night Lights, and especially Coach Taylor, because, as his wife on the show puts it, he is a “maker of men.”  Coach Taylor understands and tries to instill in the players under his care what they need to know to become men.  Courage.  Steadfastness.  Sticking in there when circumstances might suggest that you run.  Teamwork.  Sacrifice. Being there for those you love.  And having a respect for yourself.  If you make mistakes, fix them.  In some areas of life, there are no moral ambiguities.  You find out what is right to do, and you do it.

Watching an episode from season 5 last night, I saw several scenes which really spoke to me about what it means to be a man- especially after thinking about the news from earlier in the week.  A big part of being a man is having character: making hard choices to do the right things.

At one point in the episode, the team’s quarterback deals with the sudden appearance of his father at his home after his Dad has been released from serving 5 years in prison for burglaries.  In a tense exchange that develops when the son comes home one evening and sees his father there, trying to ingratiate himself to his wife and reclaim a place in the family, the son, in pain, stands up to him and tells him he is not welcome in the apartment.  The father tries to assert his right to come home and be in the house after being gone for so long because he is the “man of the family”.  The son, in a moment of lucidity, giving no ground and standing face to face with his imposing father, points out that he can’t be the man of the family, because, unlike what the father did by committing crime and going to jail, a man does not leave his family. After a moment, the quiet and tense standoff ends.  The father realizes his son is right, and he leaves. 

Elsewhere in the episode, the teen, wearied by trying to do right in life, frustrated by his family situation and the appearance of his wayward dad, and feeling crushed by the pressure he feels others put on him to be someone he thinks he can’t be, goes into the office of the only man he has in his life- Coach Taylor- and explodes.

The clip:

Moved by this scene and this particular episode, I came away from the viewing thinking about a few good life lessons related to character.

• Men of character are where they need to be, for whom they need to be, when they need to be.
• Character pays dividends that money and power cannot secure.
• When we throw away our character, we also throw away much of the trust others have developed in us.
• The best way we can protect our character is to knit our life into the lives of other men who also want to be men of honor and integrity.
• Character comes with a cost.  Character is something you have to fight for, throughout your entire life, to win and to keep.

Men, character counts.  Don’t choose to lose your life because you compromise yourself.  Know who you are, and strive to be the best you can be.  Keep trying.

It’s hard at times to be a man.  But, if you are a man, a man is what you are meant to be.