I’ve been struggling a bit lately with the loss of a friendship, which has been occurring largely because I have tried to keep a connection open with another person, and they have opted to just ignore my efforts by, well, ignoring my efforts. Emails, texts? To answer any of those sent from me has become optional. And sadly, our friendship used to not be that way.

There is something pernicious about being ignored. You have no feedback loop from which to understand why you have become a burden or someone to be shunned. You have no route for recourse. If the other person will not talk to you, what can you do?

For me personally, though, being ignored by a friend plays so deeply on my insecurities because much of my life has been a struggle to feel social acceptance, for whatever reasons. I’ve struggled off and on in life with “being left alone”, and the inner wounds that social isolation can cause.

I’ve tried to be clear with my friend about the impact of their behavior on me, and how I would think if I am a valued friend, they would at least reply to my notes in time. But my request for courtesy responses has been met with the same indifference as my other notes. Clearly, what once was a healthy friendship is in a state of decline. And I have no answers as to why. We are still allegedly friends.

If you want to hurt me deeply, ignore me. I can take it if you want to yell at me, or even take a swing at me. At least those behaviors tell me you care enough to want to get through to me.

Ignore me, though, and you cut into that deep place in me that has struggled for years to find that I am relevant and worthwhile. You unleash the fears within me that tell me that I have been dropped and forgotten, that no one really sees or cares about me, and that I am small, valueless, and alone.

Ignoring is not a Love Language.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” ~ Elie Wiesel