Recently, I’ve returned to the question of what it means to be a man (and equally, what it means for a woman to be a woman), and so I decided I needed to skim the books in my library on the topic and in each, pull the salient points they offer about Biblical manhood and masculinity.

I chose to start with John Eldredge’s “You Have What It Takes”.

It was suiting that I started with this book because a) it is a tiny volume, and b) it is a distillation of Eldredge’s broader thoughts in “Wild at Heart”. I’m a fan of Eldredge’s big picture ideas.

When a friend and I went camping this spring at another friend’s hidden-away cabin in the Pecos, this little book was on a small bookshelf of reading material in the living room corner. I picked it up and noted it’s like a concentrated form of Eldredge’s thoughts. It conveys the core of John’s views on the interests of masculinity, femininity, and the purpose of a father.

Here is the book in brief:

– The main question every boy asks himself is “Do I have what it takes?” Can I be a hero? Will I be able to fight for what is important in life? Dad’s must answer this question for them. Boys want their fathers to be impressed with them.

– The main question every girl asks herself is “Am I lovely?” Can I be a princess? Will I be worth fighting for? Dad’s must answer this question for them. Girls want their fathers to be captivated by them.

– Every father needs to tell his son “You have what it takes”.  Every father needs to tell his daughter “You are lovely”. Over and over.

– The worst fear of every man is failure, that he in fact “might not have what it takes.”  The worst fear of every woman is abandonment, that she might be unloved.

– Until a man knows he is a man, he will forever be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time he will shrink from anything that might reveal he is not. When a young woman has not heard “You are lovely” from her father, nine times out of ten she will turn to a young man to try to get the answer to her question. Promiscuity among teenage girls is always directly related to an absent father. It is the father’s voice that is the most powerful voice in the world to them.

– Most fathers find it hard to validate their children because they have a wound in their own soul.

– To find healing for your wound, ask Jesus into the broken and unhealed places of your heart; grieve your wound; let God love you; forgive your father for his failures with you; then, ask God to father you. Stay with the Question, “Do I have what it takes?” until it is answered by him.

– It’s never too late. Validate your children now. Ask them how you are doing. Ask them for forgiveness for your failures. Demonstrate your repentance for failing them.

– In the end, the most important issue is love. Your kids want to know you delight in them. Our most fundamental mission as parents in this life is to make sure that our children know we love them.

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For more reflections on men and “the Wound”, visit this post.

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Source:
Eldredge, John. You Have What It Takes. Thomas Nelson, Inc: Nashville, TN. 2004.

If you found these thoughts compelling, you can purchase this book at Amazon.